Why do I look for those like me?

I look out for people. Not anybody. But those; only those who talk, read, eat, pray and laugh like I do. Only those who think and dress and live like I do. Say hello!

I don’t know you, your path and valleys. I don’t know your nightmares, daydreams, wishes and hope. I believe, but, there is only one right way and that’s my way; maybe untrue, nevertheless strong. Bigoted!

No singular truth and universal false, I know. Still I will call you wrong. Laugh at you; your choices; your existence. Funny!

‘Love everyone, friends, foes and all alike’ my religion says. But I hate, reject, mock, shoo away and blame it all on religion. What would God be thinking? Laughing? Orthodox!

Stubborn, narrow, immovable, intolerable, inflexible, judgmental, conceited; sorry, there is no room for you. Mind is so full of self; holding on to things, judgments, attitude and opinions. Haven’t learnt yet to let go, haven’t learnt to clean up, create room and catch-up. Lonesome!

So full of self and still can’t love self- complete and full. I want to see me in you. Can’t say I love me, but I’ll claim to love you. Silly!

And yes! All of this and all of me is all of you. Certainly!

Maybe, Just Maybe

What would it be like,
to never have made a wrong choice?
What would it be like, 
to really feel complete?
What would be like to sincerely say
"It can't get better"?

Maybe, just maybe;
There are no wrong choices
or bad decisions as you call it

Every 'the unforeseen' had to be fought
Every 'I wish' had to be overlooked
Every experience carved a newer you

Maybe, just maybe;
Every storm needed to be
Every 'Yes' was meant to be
Every parting ways had to be 

Maybe,just maybe
With everything you let go,
You lost a little of you
So that, when you finally look up
and see a part of you in the stars
You'd have learnt by then 

To say, 'It can't get better'

The Empty Swing

The sun sunk lower and the day light was fading away slowly. The heat of the summer breeze calmed down and the old fashioned windows made patterns on the floor as the dusk rays filled her house and she? She sat by the window sipping slowly from her cup of tea like time would wait for her. The ticking-off clock in the drawing room was her only companion. Such was the silence around. Out from the window she could see the empty swing almost still and almost rusted and worn-out. Rekha smiled to herself as she replayed her life 20 years ago.

“Wake up darling!” The first alarm goes for Aiyana. With a little tickle and a loving kiss Aiyana gets the first glance of her own guardian angel with her eyes half-open. Her name, ‘Aiyana’ meant forever- Rekha’s forever.

Rekha’s days are packed. Every minute knows it’s routine. She wakes up well ahead of the sun. Prepares breakfast that never has satisfied every member of the family, packs lunch in each one’s boxes, get ready for another hectic day at office, in between there is always a sticky spot on the floor, dirty laundry, dishes in the sink and then there was the biggest task; getting Aiyana ready to school.

“I’m not going today mama” cries Aiyana, “just this one day”. This is also part of the routine. After multiple wake-up calls and 10 minute snoozes Rekha manages to drag Aiyana out of her bed. Uniforms to be ironed, books that were all around the house need to find its place in her school bag, fill water bottles and snack, polish shoes and ensure homework is done. “Quick Aiyana! Eat fast! Finish your breakfast” she hurries as she ties her little hair, pulls her sock and in no time there comes the school bus honking.

Phewwwww! Rings a bell? Why wouldn’t it?

These morning circus scenes are no different anywhere. Moms, also known as commanders-in-chief set the rhythm going for each day, all year round, through the years so long. Special, aren’t they?

There were days Rekha wished for this uproar to end. She wanted a time when she no longer had to put toys back into the box, have undisturbed sleep at night and when she didn’t have to worry about what needs to go into Aiyana’s lunch box the next day and when she can have a peaceful time for herself. She was worn out from the monotony of her days.

But Aiyana was the cure to all her stress, heart-ache, tension and monotony. Evenings were their favorite time. Aiyana loved her swing. The bright pink swing seat fastened by linked chains on both sides would wait all day for the little girl to step on and sway up as her mom pushed her higher and higher. Every time the swing went up in the sky, Aiyana would make a squeal that was every grown-up’s envy, quite naturally!

From the day Aiyana was born, she became the centre of Rekha’s world and her entirety. Now and then Aiyana gave little surprises- first word spoken, first step taken, first drawing, first day at school, first ride on her bicycle and first of many other things. Through laughter, bruises, not-so-good days, parent-teacher meetings, sports days and graduation her little girl grew; grew right in front of her eyes and Rekha at all times felt that time had cheated on her.

Aiyana is now a confident young woman who was flown far away from her but much closer to her dreams. The proud mom broke inside when she had to wave good-bye. Her long-wished days were hers now. She could have undisturbed sleep, no more toys lying around, no more lunch box packing. But walls were never so gray. They were beginning to lose life without the laughter of Aiyana. So was Rekha.

The clock still ticks and the tea is cold. Rekha mind was filled with million memories, thousand thoughts and one person. The thing about memories is that no one would ever read your thoughts, feel your pain and see your smile and tear, but you.

A faint ring-tone shoved her back to the moment and her Skype said “Aiyana calling”

What would Rekha not give away to get back those days of morning circus scenes and evening fun of swinging her little girl?

At the front yard, the empty swing still waits.

The Promise of Darkness

I heard a promise;
Promise for a blazing blue dawn,
song of birds,
fierce sunshine
and hustle called life.
I held tight to the promise.

But soon the sun died
and promises were forgotten.
I sat there in a grave-like silence
Floating on the gentle breeze
Blowing onto my face,
a scent of untold love-
love for self

When lights burnt out 
and the moon and stars hid
behind the dark, heavy clouds,
when all was gone
I chose to hold on, just a little longer
for darkness is here
with a brighter promise

My eyes began to see through the darkness
and heard it say,
"People will move away and move on
leaving room for more of you
be born again.
Flowers belong to the morning;
Thankfully not the roots.
You are the root,
penetrating into a mystery called depth.
May not be seen
nevertheless, its existence none deny"

Darkness and solitude
both have certain sameness.
In here is where you exist, my friend
you exist in all honesty.
Darkness is here!
Show to it
Every fear, every thought
and every tear.
Shed those layers of masks
that you still think shields you
from judgments, questions and reality

When lights are out, darkness exists.
But not forever!
Morning will dawn
with a newer promise for you

To dad, with love

Back then was a time when

A 8 letter word was enough a nightmare

My little fingers struggled 

To place the letters in the right order

'To' - 'Get' - 'Her', 'to-get-her', 'together'

You taught me to take one step at a time

'Ask and you may receive',

I was quite sure of.

But in twists and disappointments

You taught me to say,

'Not my will Lord, but let yours be done'

'In moments life turns in ways

You never wanted it to,

If your mind is beyond the ability to reason 

And all you can do is trust,

Then do what you can', you said

This became my faith of life!

When cynicism and defeat left my feet cold

When dreams of distant destinations haunted me

You woke me up to sunshine

And let me make a new mistake each time

And when the sky fell down,

You taught me to say 'Thank You'

For the newer horizons I saw

You made me believe 

In Santa Claus and tooth fairies 

And that, fictions are ever so real

You taught me to trust 

But not be too naive

I'm stronger now

But even today and always,

Your gentle kiss the sparkle in your eyes

Awakens my spirits and 

Reassures that I'm enough!

THE MOUNTAIN TOP

●●● Through the road that led to nowhere; Through the sharp turns and narrow, steep course I went to the mountain top to witness...

To witness the wind's sharp breath filling my lungs
and the loud song of wind swishing to every corner 

and carrying me along
Maybe this is what they called 

' freedom from the mountain side'

Nature is what I saw; I remember well! The tall unending array of trees,  the silver stream, shades of green                                     and lashing rain like bullets on the window pane No, it’s what I heard; the stillness, chirp of birds,  and sound of crickets and whisper of offered love Maybe it’s what I felt;  the moist, mist and dew drops And fell in love with it all

I shouted into the emptiness The little brook, every gathering cloud,  every sky scraping tree gently said 'thanks for remembering' 'thanks for reminding' said I No better poetry then nature No better bliss than losing yourself in its abundance ●●●

'

THE BEGINNING, MIDDLE AND AN END

Every story has a beginning middle and an end. But not necessarily in the same order\

Chapter 24: The girl is now 7 years old. Like the Power-puff, like the super-woman, she walked with her chin up like one day she would save the world. Building little sand castles and swings that flew her high and low became her favourite games. Her mother was already proud to see her princess grow. Her world was the size of her playhouse. Still too young for worries, heartaches or to bother about being old, she scribbled on every wall up to where her tiny hands could reach. ‘Masterpiece’ her father would call it.

Chapter 69:  The girl is little older now. She knew the world was watching her closely. She felt important. She was spoken about in different corners of the world by people she never knew existed. But somehow she didn’t like the feeling. She wanted to go back to the time when the world was nothing beyond her playhouse.

Chapter 55: The girl turns 10. The princess is a year older. There was so much laughter, her favourite double chocolate cake, friends, party hats, music and games. This is life she called it. Life can any day change a 360 around, she didn’t realize. That moment, that day was what mattered to her 

Chapter 62: The girl is into her teens. Even now, the sudden explosions at night gave her shrills. She buried herself into the several layers of blankets to live through the illusion that when the sun rises the next day it would all be over. She shut her eyes tight to make herself blind to the everyday happenings.

Chapter 30: One day, the headlines read ‘Plan to launch chemical weapon attack on Syria’. She didn’t know what it meant. She didn’t like the sound of it and she began hating the colour red. All she knew was that Syria is the place where she belonged to and she is her little house was the safest haven. Every disaster, every death, every blast will only be outside the compound wall of her house. She runs to her dad with questions flooding her brain. But to most of it, her dad didn’t have answers to.

Chapter 77: She along with many others were moved to a far off; place unknown. Kids almost her age had the same cluelessness in their eyes. She wanted to go the place where her parents were. She longed for the safety of her home. The unfamiliarity was something she never wished for.

Chapter 70: It was a fatal day that she has been fearful about. The blast was so loud that it made her deaf. The roof of her house was pulled down. Beneath her house (she still didn’t want to call it ruins) were her mother, father, her favourite toy and her playhouse. She could sense a hollow in her throat. She felt helpless and lost.

Chapter 100: She begins to wonder if every ending has a beginning, if life really is a circle where the bad times will turn over and good, happy phase will reappear, if her loved ones will come back and if her family will ever be able to reunite. It all happened so quickly that she was only left with memories. Photos of their vacation at the beaches and her birthday parties were no longer her keepsake.

Chapter 1: The mother shed happy tears when her new born princess cried. She held her close to her chest, “I promise” she said “to show you the world and all that is good, let you explore, be you and when you fall, when you feel like there is no tomorrow, when you want to cry like you are crying now, I will sit beside you and remind you once again that every ending has a new beginning’.