Just Introvert's Things

When it’s a meet up or a party I constantly bombard against someone who has a hundred questions for me and my mind voice, “Again??!!”. My answers are never more than a phrase long. The conversation usually ends with “Why don’t you talk?” To this I do not have a reply. I smile, nod and my answer- only I will hear. If you are an introvert it’s highly probable that you’ve witnessed this day in and day out.

Sometimes I wonder what we’ve made our place to be. Its’ fast and competitive and it’s too quick to prejudice people.  Here, you are perfectly normal if you can have hour long conversation with anybody, have yourself surrounded by a crowd, go loud on social media, hang out whenever a chance, party hard and repeat. We’ll it is not wrong but not my preference

“Why aren’t you talking?” It’s because I do not want to share every detail of my life. The whats, whens, whys, hows etcetera. Sometimes, it becomes hard to explain to people that my thoughts are just too complex for them to understand and hence I might as will have it to myself. I’m an introvert and I belong to a different archetype and it’s not well understood by others. I still embrace the philosophy of living life once. In a world where extroverts are celebrated, introverts are looked down like we have a chronic sickness. 

On behalf of all introverts, No, we are not shy, we are not insecure, we prefer to be among friends with whom we can have ear-long conversations and share all we want to. We do not force ourselves to be introverts in order to spend time effectively or to use the resources efficiently or to get creative and create a dent in the universe. Out of the million options, we choose what interests us which might not be the same as yours. We enjoy going to café and enjoy a book over a coffee, think before we speak, sit under a tree and stare aimlessly, walk in solitude, melody it is for us over metal heavy, rock and bass.

 

Dear extroverts, we do agree sometimes we’ve wished to be like you but at the end of the day we are happy being us. No, we are not depressed or abnormal or sociopaths and we are not your enemies.

A PART OF ME THAT IS 6 MONTHS OLD!

A wonderful morning, charming climate, the sun refusing to show up , chill breeze sweeping across my face, feet are numb, blankets warm  and a good morning indeed!

This morning however came with a gentle reminder ‘I’m 6 months new to the city and half a year has already rolled by under by nose from the day I left the Coimbatore haven;

You know you are in Bangalore when you witness the diversity of the country all around you. It is quiet rare if the consecutive persons you meet belong to the same state. This city is overall perceived as a place for westernization, deteriorating culture, fastness, madness and the ruling IT. Sure enough, this place is all that it’s known for. But it also has different other faces, much wider- in every sense of the word. There are people living the way they’ve always been, adhering to the roots of tradition and legacy. On the other hand those living the western way.

For every half a kilometer there is a building under construction and there is no place where eyes cannot confront an IT company towering up to the skies.  For 5 days of the week, these tech hubs house a very large percentage of the population and the epicenter shifts to the malls, street shopping and other ‘hangouts’ during weekends. Showrooms of leader brands and pavement shops co-exist making equally good business.

If one doesn’t belong to the Vidhhana Soudha in any way, then Bangalore traffic rules his/her schedule time and temper. Irrespective of whether you commute by BMWs, Audis, autos, motorbikes or buses- if there is at least one thing that treats everyone equally, then it is the city’s traffic.

Bangalore certainly holds more people than it actually can. The plateau city that once rested on the lap of nature is now a concrete jungle.  Life is quick. Nobody has time to notice, care for or for that matter even to judge others. Each moves their own way.

Men and women seem to have lesser differences- be it job or lifestyle. Whether one wants to acquaint a little more with hobbies and passion or is looking for a catalyst to career growth or wants to relish multi-cuisines at star restaurants or at street kiosks, whether one chooses to pick the trending at the commercial street or take a trip to a mall a weekend or be a party freak- you have it all.

As I walk by myself in the misty evening, I sync with my thoughts and I think again. What has this city been to me?  I’d say Coimbatore has been the launch pad and Bangalore is the first place beyond my stratosphere. So close yet so far.

Here, there is something for everyone. Certainly, there should be something or me as well! 

Just I

The one syllable denoting 4 billion years of revolution!

The gentle stroke that holds within it a million definition

The style of DNA buried under of the layers of existence

The ninth letter just as humble as any other,

But a proud vessel of dormant potential

The power to be it all

The one in many forms

Each so different yet so convincing

Owned by all,

Proclaimed by few!

In the battle so fierce,

It is many a time forced to fall apart

And to survive means to remain immortal.

The lone ruler of the universe within

I, infinite!

A letter to my past

To the most special,

I write this with the privilege of knowing you the second best; the first being your Creator. I understand your thoughts when none notice its existence, I relate with the unheard language of your heart and can respond to the words that fades before it slips from your mouth. Of all that I’ve known, you are the one who will listen to answers that arise only from within and to nothing and no one else. As a result, others’ failures and experience are less likely to be possible sources of inspiration. To you, YOU are all that you have. Everything has been good and protected. With this privilege, I write to share my thoughts to tell you what could be done better.

Everyone around will tell you failures are considered bad, ill-luck but nobody will tell you ‘to never fail’ is even worse. It simply means you haven’t tried enough. To do a task with success assured in advance is to do it only to prove it to others, but why? Remember today’s acquaintances are tomorrow’s strangers. Nobody will remember your success and for that matter nobody will remember your failures either. To go a step further, you won’t remember your success that has come easy without experiencing hardships and failures. Then what’s the point in succeeding.

To fail, to get dejected, to experience a phase in life that seems to say “you will have no future” is necessary. Live through it, you will not die. Experiment different things, you will never know what you are good at. For that matter, nobody does. So don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t. Fall down, pick yourself up, get laughed at, feel embarrassed and move on.

More often than not, you’ll realize all that you wanted to say or do and chose not to because of the fear of being criticized, will be said or done by somebody else. You’ll be left with no choice but to secretly envy the appreciation they earn and say to yourself “Damn! I wanted to do that, why didn’t I?” You would’ve got your answer by then.

Involve in activities for reasons as simple as ‘for the joy of knowing’. It is not necessary to master everything. Take pride in learning something different in challenging yourself. Give up only on those that don’t captivate your enthusiasm and not because you are afraid that you might fail at it. Enjoy pleasures in simple things of life. They make it worth living. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable because the world doesn’t offer you with another alternative to grow.

Most importantly, acknowledge others’ success. Just because you don’t think or talk about it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Kill ego, accept the fact that another person has done better, take guts to walk up to them and with all your heart congratulate. Initially it is difficult, but it can change you in ways you can never expect.

YOU are all that you have. Love yourself a little more, nobody else will.   

Reality, Sugar-coated

On a clear bright morning, I took a stroll along the streets of Bangalore. The place that is predominantly famous for the mad-rush was in its weekend slumber. Free from the bustling crowd that fights traffic during every minute of the day. A serene way to begin the day indeed!

Of the numerous posters, banners and advertisements along the pavement, there was one that caught my attention. It said,

“Garden of Eden

          -Senior citizen lifestyle and assisted living” 

It was not the concept but the irony of the language that made the banner look strange to me. Enough has been debated about the increasing number of old age shelters and an expanding number being abandoned at such places. But why deceive oneself and other by giving it such fancy terms? No matter how well it’s wordsmithed, the place can never become ‘home’- to where one belongs.

This is one instance of the many times we struggle to accept facts just as they as- as coarse as it sounds and as dreadful as it feels. The easiest alternative we thereby choose is to ignore its toughness by christening them with lighter or feel-good terms.

Reality is as sure as what it is. No matter how fast or far we run away from it, will be right behind us. Thus, instead of avoiding, why not try once to confront it by mustering all our power of acceptance? This way it becomes a one-stop point, you win or lose rather than giving up each day, every time.

Now back to the poster, to ‘assist’ is a duty and obligation. ‘To be assisted’ cannot be proportioned to love, care and comfort. In such circumstance when one forcibly tries to convince on this choice of solution, it is necessary to accept the defeat in the battle with conscious, drown the voice within and feel the firmness of crudity of the decision.

At each stage, confronting reality is more demanding than the fight against it. If we can win this, Eden of Garden is what we will build for ourselves.