A PART OF ME THAT IS 6 MONTHS OLD!

A wonderful morning, charming climate, the sun refusing to show up , chill breeze sweeping across my face, feet are numb, blankets warm  and a good morning indeed!

This morning however came with a gentle reminder ‘I’m 6 months new to the city and half a year has already rolled by under by nose from the day I left the Coimbatore haven;

You know you are in Bangalore when you witness the diversity of the country all around you. It is quiet rare if the consecutive persons you meet belong to the same state. This city is overall perceived as a place for westernization, deteriorating culture, fastness, madness and the ruling IT. Sure enough, this place is all that it’s known for. But it also has different other faces, much wider- in every sense of the word. There are people living the way they’ve always been, adhering to the roots of tradition and legacy. On the other hand those living the western way.

For every half a kilometer there is a building under construction and there is no place where eyes cannot confront an IT company towering up to the skies.  For 5 days of the week, these tech hubs house a very large percentage of the population and the epicenter shifts to the malls, street shopping and other ‘hangouts’ during weekends. Showrooms of leader brands and pavement shops co-exist making equally good business.

If one doesn’t belong to the Vidhhana Soudha in any way, then Bangalore traffic rules his/her schedule time and temper. Irrespective of whether you commute by BMWs, Audis, autos, motorbikes or buses- if there is at least one thing that treats everyone equally, then it is the city’s traffic.

Bangalore certainly holds more people than it actually can. The plateau city that once rested on the lap of nature is now a concrete jungle.  Life is quick. Nobody has time to notice, care for or for that matter even to judge others. Each moves their own way.

Men and women seem to have lesser differences- be it job or lifestyle. Whether one wants to acquaint a little more with hobbies and passion or is looking for a catalyst to career growth or wants to relish multi-cuisines at star restaurants or at street kiosks, whether one chooses to pick the trending at the commercial street or take a trip to a mall a weekend or be a party freak- you have it all.

As I walk by myself in the misty evening, I sync with my thoughts and I think again. What has this city been to me?  I’d say Coimbatore has been the launch pad and Bangalore is the first place beyond my stratosphere. So close yet so far.

Here, there is something for everyone. Certainly, there should be something or me as well! 

Just I

The one syllable denoting 4 billion years of revolution!

The gentle stroke that holds within it a million definition

The style of DNA buried under of the layers of existence

The ninth letter just as humble as any other,

But a proud vessel of dormant potential

The power to be it all

The one in many forms

Each so different yet so convincing

Owned by all,

Proclaimed by few!

In the battle so fierce,

It is many a time forced to fall apart

And to survive means to remain immortal.

The lone ruler of the universe within

I, infinite!

A letter to my past

To the most special,

I write this with the privilege of knowing you the second best; the first being your Creator. I understand your thoughts when none notice its existence, I relate with the unheard language of your heart and can respond to the words that fades before it slips from your mouth. Of all that I’ve known, you are the one who will listen to answers that arise only from within and to nothing and no one else. As a result, others’ failures and experience are less likely to be possible sources of inspiration. To you, YOU are all that you have. Everything has been good and protected. With this privilege, I write to share my thoughts to tell you what could be done better.

Everyone around will tell you failures are considered bad, ill-luck but nobody will tell you ‘to never fail’ is even worse. It simply means you haven’t tried enough. To do a task with success assured in advance is to do it only to prove it to others, but why? Remember today’s acquaintances are tomorrow’s strangers. Nobody will remember your success and for that matter nobody will remember your failures either. To go a step further, you won’t remember your success that has come easy without experiencing hardships and failures. Then what’s the point in succeeding.

To fail, to get dejected, to experience a phase in life that seems to say “you will have no future” is necessary. Live through it, you will not die. Experiment different things, you will never know what you are good at. For that matter, nobody does. So don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t. Fall down, pick yourself up, get laughed at, feel embarrassed and move on.

More often than not, you’ll realize all that you wanted to say or do and chose not to because of the fear of being criticized, will be said or done by somebody else. You’ll be left with no choice but to secretly envy the appreciation they earn and say to yourself “Damn! I wanted to do that, why didn’t I?” You would’ve got your answer by then.

Involve in activities for reasons as simple as ‘for the joy of knowing’. It is not necessary to master everything. Take pride in learning something different in challenging yourself. Give up only on those that don’t captivate your enthusiasm and not because you are afraid that you might fail at it. Enjoy pleasures in simple things of life. They make it worth living. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable because the world doesn’t offer you with another alternative to grow.

Most importantly, acknowledge others’ success. Just because you don’t think or talk about it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Kill ego, accept the fact that another person has done better, take guts to walk up to them and with all your heart congratulate. Initially it is difficult, but it can change you in ways you can never expect.

YOU are all that you have. Love yourself a little more, nobody else will.   

Reality, Sugar-coated

On a clear bright morning, I took a stroll along the streets of Bangalore. The place that is predominantly famous for the mad-rush was in its weekend slumber. Free from the bustling crowd that fights traffic during every minute of the day. A serene way to begin the day indeed!

Of the numerous posters, banners and advertisements along the pavement, there was one that caught my attention. It said,

“Garden of Eden

          -Senior citizen lifestyle and assisted living” 

It was not the concept but the irony of the language that made the banner look strange to me. Enough has been debated about the increasing number of old age shelters and an expanding number being abandoned at such places. But why deceive oneself and other by giving it such fancy terms? No matter how well it’s wordsmithed, the place can never become ‘home’- to where one belongs.

This is one instance of the many times we struggle to accept facts just as they as- as coarse as it sounds and as dreadful as it feels. The easiest alternative we thereby choose is to ignore its toughness by christening them with lighter or feel-good terms.

Reality is as sure as what it is. No matter how fast or far we run away from it, will be right behind us. Thus, instead of avoiding, why not try once to confront it by mustering all our power of acceptance? This way it becomes a one-stop point, you win or lose rather than giving up each day, every time.

Now back to the poster, to ‘assist’ is a duty and obligation. ‘To be assisted’ cannot be proportioned to love, care and comfort. In such circumstance when one forcibly tries to convince on this choice of solution, it is necessary to accept the defeat in the battle with conscious, drown the voice within and feel the firmness of crudity of the decision.

At each stage, confronting reality is more demanding than the fight against it. If we can win this, Eden of Garden is what we will build for ourselves.

My Person of Everything

In this society of ours each one is expected to satisfy certain criteria to earn the respect of others. Irrespective of rich or poor, North, South, West or East, Hindu, Christian or Muslim, there is a checklist forced on us. Men- they do not have a choice but to be the bread winner of the family. Women on the other hand, are pictured different. Live within the boundaries that our ‘tradition’ lays, decent education in the ‘modern’ days, to get married and have children. Since the very beginning of time, ‘to have children’ is considered a blessing.

Somehow our society is intolerant to the childless. Most of the time men escape the stinging words of those around. It’s usually women who are forced to live through this devastating situation.

They are considered unlucky, disgrace, a symbol of sorrow and despair. Regardless of what a woman has achieved, if she cannot bring forth the next generation; she is null, void. This life of a woman is nothing less than experiencing hell. She has to quietly bear the suffering, fake a smile and continue to carry out her everyday chores.

This life of hell is what my mother experienced for 15 years. After she was married, just like any other woman, she longed for motherhood. But it took a decade and a half for it to happen. These 15 long years couldn't have been easy.

She had to ignore the disgusting stares of those in the family, with a harden heart hear the words of the doctors when they said ‘You will never have a child’, live without a hold in life and struggles every minute which deep down her heart still remains unerased.

I came as an answer to the numerous questions and a source of joy after all the years of hardships. What could be more special to hold me for the first time, her little one, her own. From then to now, her world is spun around me, her dreams became mine and mine are hers. I’m 21 but the bond between us was created 15 years before I first saw the world. The divine bond that unknown to anybody else. 

Certain qualities are taught while few others are inherited. To be tolerant, to be humble, sometimes to let go and sometimes to be a get getter- these weren't taught to me, I acquired rather inherited from her. She has been everything that I could ask for- mentor, critic, teacher, friend and above all my first expert, my mom.

SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY

Scribbling thoughts can be hard at two instances. First, when thoughts aren't clear or when they are too many. Second is when emotions make words murky. In my case it is the second. Needless to say when one has lived a life that is more a fairy tale.

As a fresh school girl I entered this place, it was indeed strange. The uncomfortable feeling that ruled me cannot be descried. It was the first day at KCT and I was preparing for my orientation session with many hundreds. Each one of us was experiencing the same feeling but all by ourselves. I couldn't have felt lonelier with a thousand people around. I said a prayer that none heard, “God help me survive!” I started my college journey with many warnings and advice. Professors, heads of departments, seniors, semesters, CGPA, arrears, attendance percentage, projects, internships and placements; scary enough for a person who till then lived in a shell.

First few months, I had the typical life of a fresher. Close to thousand students all in one block was both easy and difficult to get introduced to. Classrooms and new friends were good enough for an amazing college life, I misjudged. The first year rolled by, slipped away in front of my eyes.

Second year took a diversion. First interaction with seniors, first experience of being part of clubs and forums, first taste of business and a lot more! When I knew there is recruitment for KCT’s first student startup, I wanted to enroll myself in the recruitment process. Frankly, I wasn’t very keen in business but inquisitive as I am, I wanted to know what it was before saying ‘NO’ and also for the ‘know- how’ of an interview process for all the hype it carries. Happy by chance I was selected as a member of this campus business which was truly more than being a student entrepreneur.

From then on, college was all different. Thanks to those lucky stars for introducing me to a group of friends who gave friendship its style. Within us, we knew no law. Every moment was braided with laughter, chatter, outings and togetherness. Namma café, beyond any question or doubt, you are the reason for many smiles.

The fairy tale doesn’t stop. Fondness to debate, madness to question everything and yearning to learning more- these attributes were favoured by the inception of Qubate Forum. Here again got introduced to so many KCTians, few of them for life.   

Forthwith came numerous responsibilities. With each I grew; I transformed. Department symposiums, a legion of events and endless getting to knows.

Yugam is another special memory. Stretched limits, made me do what I previously considered impossible. Late night working hours, meeting, preparation and most of all getting to meet people for the first time in four years and in very short time becoming great friends- possible only here!

To think, it will soon come to a halt I’m reminded of the little prayer on my first day ‘Help me survive’.

Through these years, I realize that did not just survive; I evolved. While preparing me to face the world this place also gave me numerous recollections to hold on. When will I next play those childish games in class? Will the four-corner hear my nick names? When will I next sit in those café tables? Those last minute internal preparations, unrehearsed seminars, searching for notes, crowded Xerox shops, many hi and hellos on the way, silly jokes and laughter, when next?

Now I have no choice but to step into the cruel world. But college life will always remain irreplaceable.

To each one of you, I just want to say ‘You have made a big difference and you are truly special, Thank you!’

LOOKING THROUGH

In the comfort of my own little space I sat. My world is what I created within the four walls. Caressed and pampered by the loved ones, I found all that I wanted in this world of mine. I started to believe that everything that could possibly exist in the world is what I've seen, I've known and I've experienced.

Just then my attention was drawn to the little window at the farthest corner. The window I've been most familiar with arouse avid thoughts this time. Curiosity called to find out what new could be there through that window. As I looked through, I saw through it. Under the scorching sun, life moved rapidly in front of my eyes. Clearly people did not have time for each other. Those barely 10 years old seem to have a hectic schedule.  A few in rags fight for a living, men and machines on roll, certainly the former was wearier. Nature, routine and life were blended into one. 

No matter how old or young, there is always a special liking for the space beside the window, from classroom to corporate, buses to airplanes we always fight for one, don’t we? But do you see what I see? A whole new world!

Through the window, the farthest foreseeable end of the world for sure should be the beginning of another one. True nature has so much in similar of life and interestingly so much to offer. Between the sky and land, far and wide, above and deep beneath are different classes of people and beings, different nations, culture, history, friends, strangers, different hurdles, goals to reach, all that is known and unknown. I begin to wonder what I’m yet to explore. Rather how little I've explored. It’s funny who we trick ourselves for not experiencing all that we want to; too young, too old, too rich, too poor, too timid, too daring etc. etc.

It is rightly said, ‘A ship is safe at the harbor, but definitely not the reason why it was built’. I might be safest in the world of mine but wouldn't that be a crime to walk past the opportunities that waits, to easily ignore the talents bestowed and to find the place that is destined?

Time to jump out of the window, get set to explore, step outside the world I created for myself and break limits. For whatever reason it was built, thanks to the window that linked the two beautiful worlds. Indeed a few hours well spent and this seems to be the most convincing purpose of it.